yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
