Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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