I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
