you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
