so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
