At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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