she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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