I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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