hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
