PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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