why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish you could order shots online.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
