I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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