Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
