party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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