I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
