That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
