oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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