So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Everything about him screamed your future.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Randomize
