spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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