Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
