she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need a beard to bite.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
