birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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