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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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