They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
