so explain again why im purple
no
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
