Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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