did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
