this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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