the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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