First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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