i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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