but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
