turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
