All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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