At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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