Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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