don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
