i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
