She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
