Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
