I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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