so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
