NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
