How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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