It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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