she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So vagazzling was a success
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