Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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