dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
