Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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