hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
