ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
