Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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