This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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